I wish you would have been there.

Last Wednesday, I went to Frisco for a ladies only Advocare event. I'm new to the organization, so I'm not necessarily as "star struck" as others might be by the names on the speaker list. I was told that Robbie Page was a rock star, so I was excited and ready to learn. Two of my newest friends, Holly and Maca, were there with me, so for once I didn't feel like a stranger in a sea of Spark shirts. Holly is connected to my business, and has proved to be not just a helpful business partner, but a new encourager in my life. I was ready to soak up some goodness with her and the rest of the girls with our team.

Let me preface the rest of this by saying that I tend to be overly honest. Whatever I feel is written on my face. I don't know how to hold in emotions at all. I'm not that person that just "lets it go" without resolution. This used to be a virtue of mine but is becoming a curse with every year I get older. You know that expression "HATERS GONNA HATE"? When the haters start hating, I get defensive. I feel like I have to slap them on the hand and tell them "No! Let me be!" I'm all about sharing the products I use with people because, well, they are amazing and are working, but even though we are having great success with the business, I've been hesitant to share the business opportunity with people. I start to imagine all of the questions they will ask me that I don't have answers for, and I just freeze. It's this paralyzing fear that causes me to become 100% ineffective.

Evidently Robbie Page reads my diary and lives inside my brain, because every word out of her mouth was a combination of amazing wit and cold hard truth slapping me in the face again, and again, and again. Here is the gist of what her message was: Stop letting fear keep you from reaching your goals. Stop letting your financial situation be funny. It isn't funny that you can't take a vacation this summer. It isn't funny that you turn your friends down for a pedicure because it isn't in the budget. It isn't funny that your check was .63 this month. It isn't funny that you have to shop at Target not because you want to, but because it's the best you can do. When will we reach the point of frustration when enough is enough? And once we realize something needs to change, if it's not AdvoCare, then what is it?

I'm slowly realizing that it doesn't matter what other people think about my business. I know my heart. I know that I love this company for 2 reasons: 1) I'm healthier now than I've been since high school and 2) it's given us the ability to pay bills while my maternity checks have been rolling in. It's been God's blessing to my family. The people I am connected to in this business are quality Christian people who have proved to give Justin and I more encouragement and accountability than I've had in a long time. Quite frankly, going to events isn't a chore. It isn't something I'm doing to put up the front. I love it!

I wish you could have been there. I wish you could have heard what I heard. I guarantee that if you'd been sitting where I was sitting, and listening to woman after woman talk about how their lives have completely turned around...you wouldn't hesitate. You would jump on board.

I don't claim to have all of the answers, but I'm on a team that does. If you are sitting at your computer, phone, or iPad thinking to yourself "You know what? It's not funny that I can't ________...." then we need to sit down and at least have a conversation.

I'm through letting fear keep me from sharing something with others that is life changing. My purpose, my husband and daughter, are far bigger than the sting I feel when someone says "No thanks." I know what AdvoCare is doing for my family and what it CAN do for us down the road. If you want to do it with us, I promise, it's worth it. I'm no Robbie Page, but I can tell you that, for once, you DO have a choice. For me...I choose health. I choose security. I choose community. I choose WINNING AN INCENTIVE TO WATCH A SOCCER GAME IN AN EXECUTIVE SUITE WITH MY MAN!  :) I choose to have choices.

The Easy Way Out

I need to work out my feelings a little bit regarding some negativity I've gotten lately. Gonna do my best not be negative or rude but just speak what I feel.

I have always been vehemently against fad diets, pills, or quick gimmicks to assist with weight loss. Many companies promise results, stick you on a plan, and then as soon as you stop taking the pill/drinking the shakes/eating the frozen meals, you gain all of your weight back. I believe that exercise and a healthy diet are the only lasting ways that people lose weight and keep it off. That said, let me just tell you EVERY way I've tried to lose weight.

In high school, I was a fan of Slim Fast shakes. Breakfast used to make me sick, so I would do a shake for breakfast. I played the following sports: basketball, cross country, tennis, golf, cheer, and track. So I worked out with athletics a TON. I also used to eat frozen dinners like Smart Ones for lunch. I'm not a big cook, never have been, so that was always easy for me. I was a size 7 as a freshman and finished high school a size 14. Even though I worked out religiously, I never did more than maintain because my diet was hit or miss.

The summer before college, I decided to be skinny at all cost. I maybe ate 500 calories a day for 2 months and was walking 5 miles daily. I got down to a 10 to start college. Ran 5 days a week, did aerobics, still ended up gaining 20 pounds. Gained a total of 40 in college.

I have been a Weight Watchers member, I've taken prescription diet pills, I have tracked calories and workouts, I have done the Whole 30 eating challenge, I've eaten the Paleo way, I've used Shakeology...I have NEVER had consistent weight loss. I've NEVER been thin. I have to fight tooth and nail for a half pound loss. In the past, my eating had to be perfect and I had to workout probably between 1-2 hours at least 5 times a week in order to see results. I have been so fit that I taught classes at the local gym, but even then was losing a pound a week max.

Have there been times where I was half heartedly trying? Sure. But as a whole, I have fought the weight loss battle really hard, only to always feel like a loser.

When I started the Advocare Challenge, I honestly didn't care what was in the products. It didn't matter to me how natural it was. However, as I began reading labels and really focusing on eating clean, I began to think about the long term. Do I want to be dependent on pills to be healthy? The first week after our challenge was over, the only Advocare product I used was Spark. I ate healthy and worked out. I lost 2 pounds. I didn't NEED the products to see results! Amazing!

If you can read this and say that "I didn't try hard enough," then you don't know me at all.

It has really hurt my feelings that some people are discounting what I've accomplished as a "quick fix" or "taking the easy way out," saying that I did things the wrong way. I have thought long and hard about my response, and here is what I will say to them:

1. Would you oppose me taking a multi vitamin in the morning or a calcium chew?
2. Would you oppose me taking a prenatal vitamin while pregnant?
3. Do you oppose treatment when sick? Depressed?

After 26 years, I had filled my body with so much yo yo dieting and crap food that no amount of exercise or healthy eating was making any kind of impact on my body. I was severely depressed, sluggish (almost flu-like), anxious, exhausted, and completely living a passive life. To me, this requires some kind of change...a healthy one, and something drastic.

The AdvoCare products I take are not quick fixes or appetite suppressants. They nourish my body in a way that restores it to its natural way of functioning. If I never took another Advocare product again, I would probably still reach my goal at some point. However, what is the point of not taking something that is only making me healthier? I research all of the ingredients of the supplements and am quite happy with what I have found. One of the doctors on the team developing the products is the man who INVENTED IV feeding. Seriously? How much credibility does that give these supplements?

I support getting healthy in whatever way works for you. My dad has been very successful on MediFast...it has saved his life. Is it what I want to do? No, but how proud am I that he has lost over 100 pounds and is going to be living a much longer life? I have a friend who used gastric bypass surgery to help him reach his goals. Could he have just eaten right and worked out and eventually reached his goal? Sure, but the urgency and motivation that his surgery provided gave him the confidence and platform to lose weight and inspire others. Sometimes, eating healthy and working out isn't enough, no matter how hard we try. Sometimes, we need help. Sometimes, we just want to feel how we were meant to feel!

I'm pretty sure that some of the skepticism is coming from the fact that Justin and I have started taking advantage of the business opportunity AdvoCare provides. Let me lay it out for you, people!

1. We signed up as distributors JUST to get a discount on the challenge bundles.
2. When we were loving our challenge and telling others about it, people started buying them off our site and we made some money, thinking, "Oooh cool! That's a little bonus!" It wasn't until this point that the whole money making section of AdvoCare was even brought to my attention.
3. We have been praying a lot about financial opportunities. My paycheck last month was $0.63 with MISD because of baby leave. My dream is to eventually stay at home full time, and I want to transition to part time work next year. Insurance for our family is going to cost a billion kajillion dollars. Because of how passionately I feel about helping people the way people have helped me, I feel like Advocare is a really great fit for us. I am so enjoying leading our current challenge group and it is so fulfilling to see people's lives change. Why not do this as a job? I feel like this is God's way of answering our prayers.

I share as much as I do, not to see how many people I can get to buy a challenge. I share because I want people to feel how I feel. I have not had this confidence in myself in years, and somehow I am caring for a new baby and losing weight without passing out in the middle of the day. Advocare makes this possible for me. I am seeing amazing results with our challenge group, and lives are being changed!

I won't ever hate on you for your choice of getting healthy. Don't hate on me! I wish I could just buck up and ignore the haters, but I have a sensitive heart and am a people pleaser. I want people to support us, even though they might not choose to do things the way we do.

I've made the commitment to not be one of those people who has an agenda when I talk to people. I will only ever talk to you about Advocare if I think that you could a) use the energy, b) benefit from the cleanse, or c) be successful in the business side of life. But I will also be honest with you about it. You won't get a phone call that says "Hey, good talking to you, let's catch up! By the way, let's talk about losing weight."

I hope my heart comes across in this post. If you are someone that has been burned by someone selling Advocare or a similar product, on behalf of them, I apologize. But they are not me. Let's work together in becoming healthy, the way that works best for us.

Before and After: Advocare 24 Day Challenge Results

***Disclaimer: I had a baby in January. I got a ton of stretchmarks and loose skin from it. I also still have about 60 pounds to go, so I'm not claiming that I'm a sexy piece of booty. If you are uncomfortable seeing a postpartum tummy, don't read. *****

So, I just read the post from my first day of the Challenge, and it made me tear up a little bit. I was so depressed and just sad. However, in order for me to demonstrate what the past month has meant to me, I will give you some background insight.

 I have struggled with my weight forever. I can't ever remember a time that I would consider myself skinny. People used to give me a hard time about how much I would eat and my XL tag on my sweatshirts. It was always a big joke that I was slow on our basketball team in high school, and even though I always played right along, it made me feel like crap about myself. I've always wanted to have a hot bod, but just never did. Between free food and just bad habits, I put on 30 pounds in college, topping out around 205.

Junior year of college, weighing almost 200 pounds

In 2009, a few months before I met Justin, my roomie and I became workout obsessed. I was teaching Turbo Kick at the gym, and working out twice a day several days a week. I dropped about 20 pounds and felt very much on the way to my goals. Then, Justin and I started dating and I put it on again. Lots of yo-yos happened until, finally, life slapped me in the face and I just stopped caring.

Running a 5K 2 months before our wedding

In February of last year, Justin and I got pregnant. We were ecstatic! The day before my first appointment at 9 weeks, I ended up going to the ER due to lots of pain. Turns out that I had had a miscarriage. I felt so angry and sad. More than that, I felt like it was somehow my fault for being unhealthy. I didn't want to go to work, let alone eat healthy or work out. Justin and I were trying to work on our hearts, so our bodies took a back seat.

When I found out in May that I was pregnant again, I was terrified. And so very nauseous. The combination of these two things caused a standstill in any extra activity. I had gained some pounds and had returned to my end of college weight--205, and scared that I would somehow jostle the baby and go through the same heartache. Any healthy food I put in my mouth made me feel like I was going to throw up. I ate what I want and sat around all summer, continuing into the fall when I went back to work. I started getting stretchmarks halfway into my pregnancy, and instead of putting cream on them, I thought to myself, "Who cares? I'll never be attractive again." Looking back, I can't believe I ever thought that way. It breaks my heart to think that I felt that way about myself. As of New Year's Eve, I had gained 56 pounds into my pregnancy. I had stretchmarks all over my abdomen, hips, butt, thighs, all the way down to my knees. I didn't think there was any way Justin would ever look at me the same again.

(Me at 37 weeks)

Once Kinleigh was born, our lives were turned upside down. Babies are so wonderful and amazing...baby hormones are not. I was in such a mixture of euphoric joy and yucky guilt and self pity. My weight loss froze after about 10 pounds of my 56 pounds were gone. I couldn't run for 1 minute without feeling like I was going to die. There were several times I just sat there, looking at my stomach, thinking "I'm going to be a fat mom." It makes me sick to think that I was there.

First week of little K's life- me at 240 pounds

Justin had brought up the Challenge several times, and I had dismissed it, thinking that Advocare was just another gimmick that would cost a ton of money and produce no results. However, after investigating it, I felt like maybe, just maybe, it was the push I needed to make a change. In my mind, I really think it was my last ditch effort to try...if it hadn't worked as well as it had, I might have given up.  He promised to do it with me, so we ordered our bundles and got ready to hate our life for 24 days.

I made Justin take some before pictures of me. I refused to look at them until today, and when I opened the email, I started bawling. Not only do I not recognize the body in front of me, but the look on my face says everything that was in my head. It tells me exactly how I felt about myself---disgusted.

Long story short...I lost 10 pounds on the Challenge. I'm wearing clothes that I haven't been able to wear since K's birth. I have no desire to drink soda or eat junk food...my food addictions and cravings have completely changed. I have energy to work all day, play with my baby, edit photos and clean house when I get home. Advocare didn't do the work for me, but it made the changes doable. I never once felt overwhelmed or that I was going to quit. Once I got past day 7, it felt pretty easy. I signed up to be a distributor just to get a discount on Spark, but I feel so very passionately about this company and these products that I am making myself show you these pictures in hopes that you will see what a change YOU can make in just 24 days.

I've been terrified to share these before and after photos. Honestly, I'm worried that people will see that I don't have a six pack or notice that my skin is still jiggly and think less of me. I'm concerned that people will say mean things about my stretch marks. I know that I'm putting myself at risk to get some negative comments about my appearance, but it isn't the tan six pack people that inspire me. It's the people who have normal lives but have made amazing changes that kept me going. My hope is that it will be encouraging for real people to see real results, even if they are just in progress.

So...deep breath...here you go.

In the before picture, I weigh 237 pounds. Today I weigh 227. My goal is 160, so we have a ways to go, but for the first time in a really long time, I KNOW that I can get there. I'm setting small goals and making changes, and I feel healthier than I have in a while. I'm a better wife and mom than I was a month ago.

My husband Justin totally just OWNED this challenge. He lost over 15 pounds and his results are so incredible! To read about his journey and see his pictures, check out his blog:

http://hardassdad.wordpress.com/2013/04/10/my-long-winded-results-24-day-challenge/

If you are interested in trying any Advocare products, including the Challenge, for yourself, I'd love to give you some information and help you out! You can see some of the different products and shop on their website here:

https://www.advocare.com/130323164/

Advocare Days 2-10

I'm SOOO good at keeping up with blogging. It's not like I have anything to do, like work, parent, etc. Anyways. As of Day 10 of the cleanse, I'd lost 5.5 pounds! I'm happy that we had a few days of Spring Break to prep and get in the groove of things, because that has made this process a lot easier. I don't really miss a lot of the stuff I used to eat. I made it through the whole 10 days without cheating, with the exception of a skinny margarita on a friend's birthday. Justin and I are both finishing the 14 day max phase, then plan on posting our before and after pictures. I am wishing I would have taken different before photos, because the ones I'm using are for when I started Turbo Fire, and I think I was a little bit bigger than that going into the Challenge. But we shall see!

Today (day 16) I cheated for the first time with food. I had a bite of corn casserole, a cookie, and a tiny bite of cake. 5 hours later and I feel like CRAP. Seriously awful. I'm not planning on cheating again.

Other changes I have noticed...my whole sweating through the night has gotten a lot better. Prior to the challenge, I was waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat. It was pointless to shower at night because I was disgusting when I woke up. Now, it's only a mild hot flash and it doesn't affect my personal hygiene. Ha ha.

The biggest personal victory I've experienced is the fact that there is now blingage resting on my left hand once again. Yep, I can wear my wedding ring! The other band is still too tight (which is weird) but the ring fits. I haven't worn it since August so I'm super excited to get to wear it again!

8 more days. We can do it! Woot woot!

Emotional Dumping and Advocare Cleanse: Day 1

So, it's been 2 months since I gave birth to my girl, and my body has decided that it's done all of the changing it's going to do on its own. As soon as I got cleared to work out at 4 weeks, I started both Turbo Fire and Couch to 5K, and didn't realize that my organs would literally jiggle and shake inside of my body. I was in a lot of internal pain from working out. Then, after a week of eating perfectly clean and working out like crazy, I lost less than a pound. Seriously??? I haven't worked out in almost a year and that's what I get? I was so frustrated that I kind of gave up the past month.

I don't know if this is normal or not, but I've really been going through a lot both emotionally and physically with my body. I look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself. This is something that I don't know if I can make anyone understand. I love my baby girl...but being her mom has changed my body in a way that it can never look "normal" again. I have stretchmarks over a foot long all over my stomach, hips, butt, and thighs. My skin is saggy. There is fat distributed in such random places that the curves I've always sported aren't so much curvy as bag of potatoes. I feel guilty for even caring. After all, I need to make sure my house is clean, my baby is healthy, my man is taken care of and feels loved...when do I have time/motivation to just work on me?

 I think back to when Justin and I first started dating and remember what I looked like then, and how I felt about myself. I used to read all of the time, work out (as an instructor!), go out with friends, play guitar, etc. I was confident and secure. These are the things that attracted my husband to me in the first place. Now, I feel that I am a fragment of that person. I am so very insecure about the extra skin, the miles of stretchmarks, the plus size clothing I'm now wearing. I'm trying less and less when I get ready and LOOK like that mom I swore I would never be. So I'm constantly asking him if he thinks I'm pretty, if I'm bothering him, etc. I know that it must wear on him. He is so good at constantly showing me he cares...flowers, sweet words, texts...but something in my brain questions how he could love me that much when I'm so blah. I question why he would want to be around me because, well, I don't want to be around me.

The only thing I AM confident about is that I'm doing a pretty good job raising a healthy girl. Kinleigh is so sweet and so responsive to us both. She is a schedule baby, and at 9 weeks is sleeping through the night. Everyone who babysits her talks about what a great baby she is, and I'm proud that the hard work J and I put in has helped her be a great kiddo. I am so very happy with my marriage and with my life...I just can't understand why anyone is happy with me. This is probably hormones, but I've never had a baby before, so I know nothing.

Anyway, I can't just sit and wallow in my negative emotions. Bottom line, I want to be that girl that Justin fell in love with. I want to get myself back. I want to be a mom that inspires my daughter to have a full life. A friend of mine introduced me to Advocare and talked to me about her own struggles as a teacher and mother. Her words of encouragement got me to pull the trigger, and here I am.

Today was the first day, and it wasn't as bad as I imagined. No shakes, flu like symptoms, or headaches from quitting coffee and Dr. Pepper. Now, I went to the bathroom way more times than anyone needs to hear about. We ate eggs, spinach, and tomatoes scrambled together with a pear for breakfast, and a salad with turkey breast for lunch. One of my fav snacks, carrots and hummus, is challenge friendly so I munched on that. Dinner was spaghetti squash, sweet potato and tilapia. I feel full, which could be because of the billions of gallons of water I'm drinking.

This challenge has to work. I weighed in this morning at 237 pounds, which is closer to a Biggest Loser contestant than a fit person. I can't fit into normal clothing and am so disgusted by my body. I need this...not for anyone else, but for me. If I can get my health under control, then I think the rest will take care of itself. My family deserves me at my best. Justin is the love of my life and I want to be able to take care of him, but most importantly, be his best friend. At the end of the day, he and K are my priority and I don't want to turn into a shadow of the person I know I can be. I want my family to be proud of me.

I wasn't meaning to be Debbie Downer today, but I guess I need an outlet for some of these crappy thoughts. Say a prayer for us as we continue the 24 day challenge.

Kinleigh: 1 Month

My first update post! How exciting! It has been a crazy month of learning how to become a parent. I couldn't have envisioned a better baby. Kinleigh is so sweet and snugly, and we are loving it. It was pretty amusing trying to take 1 month old pictures, especially since she can't sit up or really do much without props. She kept slumping over, so Daddy had to keep a finger on/around her at all times. Kinleigh girl, here's some special details about you. :)

STATS

Length: 21.5 inches

Weight: 10.1 lbs

You got your first shot last week. It broke my heart but you recovered quickly. Atta girl :)

Size 1 diapers

NEW THIS MONTH

Well, everything. Because you are new! 

SLEEP

As far as naps go, you are AWESOME. A lot of times I have to wake you up to eat because you are so content in your swing, crib, or in my arms. You like to sleep with your hands up like you are surrendering to a robber. In the middle of the night, I'd say you do great every other night. Sometimes though, you just like to party and are wide awake! You make crazy faces that are really cute. At first, you would sleep with your legs straight up in the air, which would explain the huge stretched out belly I had during pregnancy.

EATING

You are eating 3-4 oz. of formula 7 to 8 times daily. You love to eat! Burping...not so much. You get really mad when we stop in mid bottle. 

CRYING

You are such a happy baby! The only time you cry is when you are hungry or naked. Very rarely are you fussy in the evenings, and usually it's because of a little gas. 

LIKES

Your swing, eating, sleeping, music, your stuffed puppy, dancing with Daddy, story time with Mommy, snuggling up on your tummy with either one of us.

DISLIKES

diaper changes, constipation, being hungry. And Nelly...she tries to sniff you and it annoys you (and me).

We love you baby girl and can't believe how fast things are moving. You are beautiful, special and so loved!!!

4 weeks later...

Kinleigh,

It has been almost 4 weeks since you were born. It has been a roller coaster, but I think we are finally getting used to each other! Daddy had to go back to work a week after you were born, but you had a LOT of people loving on you and helping Mommy take care of you! Mimzi, Pops and Gigi, and Memaw all stayed at the house to help us learn how to take care of you.

I always used to think that parenthood wouldn't change me very much. I was wrong---you have turned my world upside down! If there is something wrong with you, I'm absolutely blind to it. You are perfect in my eyes, pretty girl. I have been taking pictures of you non stop because I'm obsessed with you!

It has been hard not knowing what to do all of the time. Babies don't come with a manual! Your daddy and I have exchanged the "What the heck do we do????" look about a billion times a day. But I know a little more now then I did when I brought you home, and I'm hoping that trend continues.

I hope that I can be a good mom to you. I want you to grow up having more good memories and thoughts towards me than bad. I'm a pretty Type -A, anxious person, and I'm praying that you don't inherit that from me. It's not fun, especially when you have a newborn that can't talk to you and tell you exactly what she needs.

But know this---I love you, kid!

-Mom :)